If You Really Knew Me, You Would Know..

that I'm completely self-conscious about my appearance, although I act confident.
that I don't take compliments well.
that I love the thought of being in love, but I never have been.
that I constantly give my all to get nothing in return, but I've learned to let it all go.
that I've learned to not be bitter anymore.
that my sister means more to me than she will ever know.
that I have a dis functional relationship with my family.
If my parents knew the real me, I would be disowned.
that I hate admitting to my mistakes, but I face them everyday.
that I regret things too much and I always punish myself for it.
that I know that I'm a hypocrite.
there's not a moment that goes by and I don't wish that I could become a better person.
that if I were to go back in time, I would tell myself to suck it up and quit crying over all the small things that happen but to cry when I want to the most.
that I think my friends are too good for me and I don't deserve them.
that I care far too much for my own good.
that I will always believe there is good in everyone, somewhere..
that my heart comes first before my head and guts.
that even in a room full of people, I still manage to feel alone.

-Lisa

Whoaa,

Hold up, wait a minute. Has it really been almost a month since my last blog? I've been one busy girl and time isn't stopping. It seems like it just keeps rolling by. I'm already starting to register for my senior year and and it's a mufckn pain >:[ I'm so confused on what I wanna do but I can't mess up like I am this year. So far I've decided on doing leadership again even though I'm scared as hell to do it all over again. But it's been a good experience and this year just gives me an advantage for the next. Than pre-cal and physics.. yayyyyy.

On a brighter note, next week I'm heading to Bellevue for the weekend for the DECA State Conference. 2nd year babyy ;) Go to www.wadeca.org and check out my candidate video. Corny but I'm swaaaying the votes! and I wanna make it to Cali in April. I need to start studying asap, I need a get 80%! but I'm hella busy! But I got a weeeek.. Ugh, I'm starting to get sleep deprived. No joke! I fall asleep in a lot of my classes. It's getting embarassing but I find sleeping at my desk more soothing than in my own bed, go figure.

I honestly do need to manage my time better. Sometimes it feels like I'm getting a lot done but when I look at everything in a whole, I've actually only put a minor dent to what needs to be done over-all.

So last week in 1st period we had a speaker Mike Matt (Yeah that's his name!), he spoke to us about our future, not to take things for advantage, and to see yourself for how you want to be seen. Everyone got really emotional..we went around the room and would finish this statement, "If you really knew me, you would know..[fill in the blank.]" It could be a serious like, you know I'm completely self-conscious or something as silly as I enjoy a watching Sunday cartoons. It's interesting to hear what people have to say..it got me thinking,

If you really knew me, you would know . . to be continued.

-Lisa