Quote this;

"The greatest irony of love; loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone right after that person walks out of your life. And sometimes, you think you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you'll suddenly realize that you're just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because the absence of love. Love is always present. It's just that one was being loved too much and the other was being love too little. As we all know that the heart is the center of the body but it beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason why the heart is not always right. Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passig time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here's a piece of advice; let go when you're hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more."

Help me.

I'm tired of being tired, and I'm fed up with giving up. Worst thing is, I hate being right about all the wrong circumstances. . It's funny how predictable things can get. It's all just so fake to me now. I wanna meet someone genuine. Who deosn't give me the same bullshit that every other guy has to say because I really have heard it all before.

I just hate how much this all gets to me. I've been losing sleep, I can't focus in school. I just sit there starting blankly 'till someone says, "hey are you okay?" So many times I want to say no, but I don't burden people with my problems. And that's the thing, I'm not even sure what the heck my problem has been lately. I've been such an emotional wreck, yet I still can smile and laugh when coverstating with someone..

I always say that it's time to pick up the pieces and move on. I've always felt like I've never really needed anyone to hold my hand. I've always said I can't do myself. But now a this point I just need someone to listen. . Lately I've just felt so alone and it's stupid. Just to sit and think what happened? and how did I get to this point?

I need help.

-Lisa

Lesson Learned.

I've learned a lot.
I've learned that everything does happen for a reason.
I've learned that everyone I've met has helped me to grow and learn in some way, whether they've been there as support or to make my life a living hell, it still helped me learn.
I've learned to just accept things and not question things too much.
I've learned not to take things too seriously because it just stresses you out too much.
I've learned to suck it up, keep my head up, and continue on with life like it didn't bother me at all. I've learned that you have to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
And most importantly, I know that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, because I'm still fighting like hell to hold on.

-Lisa

<|3

---
It's weird, loving someone. Falling in love with someone. Loving someone at the wrong time. . I don't know. My heart has been feeling well, nothing. I don't mean to sound so morbid but I remember how I used to get the butterflies and I'd be so happy. But now it's like you can happy with someone for just a little while. Than it all fades away and you're left with the distant memory, I guess in the words of Dr.Seuss "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." I'm living by that quote day by day it seems.

I guess I miss him more than I thought I would. Each day it gets harder to move on, to forget. But I really don't want to. I shared so much first with him, that I can't let go. Each time I meet someone new, I always think of how they aren't you. No one could ever replace who you are to me. Than I start to feel bad, I feel disgusted.

It's not as though he knows anything of this. I never really said anything to him because I've known how things would end up being between us. Just friends. I hate myself for not saying but that's that. I'm just happy that he's happy and living on with his life, that's all I can ask for.

-Lisa

My 20 Statements;3/16/09

a.) List things you want to say to 20 people
b.) Don’t say who they are towards
c.) Feel free to receive comments but don’t confirm anything
d.) Never discuss it again
e.) The whole point is to let go of all those things left unsaid

---
1.) Still hurts to know where your priorities stand. After years of building up, making plans, it all crumbled within months over the most ridiculous reason. I've let it all slide for so long, but I've forgiven soo much.. just sucks to know I can't trust you to be there like it used to be, like we promised.

2.) You mean soo much to me, and you have no idea.. well maybe. You've helped me to become the person that I am today. Without you I wouldn't have learned to be as strong, to open my eyes and to quit being naive! I love that you always tell me straight up that I'm being stupid. I like that no matter what you're always at the top my list, even though we don't get to see each other a lot..

3.) Giiirrrrl, you're most def. my best. We think so much alike that it's completely scary. I like that we talk about things straight up, even though some things we say seem heartless but aye! The truth hurts. We don't fight, even when we're not together we're txting each other making sure we're both out SAFE! Hahaha, I love that! & I already tell you on a day to day basis that I love you!

4.) I miss you, I miss us. I miss how we used to be. How you would always say that you want to spend time together. But in the back of my mind I couldn't help but think that I was the filler to your schedule.. I still think about you, wondering how you're doing.. even when we casually see each other it's just not the same. I can see that you don't see me the same anymore, but I'm glad that we're both able to move one.. and somewhat be friends.

5.) Hella glad how our friendship is turning out, since middle school to now. Even though we see each other occasionally, I like that we always get some time to catch up on things. Once once we do get together it don't even seem like that much time passes by. But I know that I can always rely on you to be there.

6.) I have such mixed feelings towards you. Once second I'm missing you the next I'm wishing that I never even met you in the first place. But I know deep down in my heart I'm glad I did. I'mma forever hold onto how we were and the days we got to spend together, even though it was such a short period of time. All my friends tell me that I gotta move and and that's what I'm trying to do but it's hard because I gave you such a huge part of me that I can't get back.. but I can't wait for you to come back.

7.) I can't believe how shady you are. I used to be chilled with you but now I realize how much shit you talk about people. You needa get a life and quit getting all twisted up in everyone elses.

8.) I'll always have your back cause I know you gots mine! You're such an easy person to get along with, I think its hella stupid how much shit people talk but it's the people that don't know facts who talk.

9.) You're one of the guys who have really been there for me. We can just talk about stuff and I know I get mad, you get mad. But it's whatever because in the end we're both there for each other. You live to freakin' far though! Which sucks :( but if I could you know I'd kidnap you and keep you in Everett forever! Hahaha.

10.) I regret ever walking away the first time a year go but I'm happy that we're getting a second chance to rebuild our relationship.

11.) You have it so twisted. I truly cherish our friendship but sometimes I think you take it for granted and take the things I do the wrong way. I try so hard to get things straight with you, but somehow I always seem to feel that when things get bad, it's ALL my fault. I wish you would own up to the things you say and do because they get all misconstrued.

12.) I wish we could see each other more often, but it always seems like you're caught up hanging with your boys. So I just step aside and let you have that time. But I just we had more time to spend with each other like old times.. but than again you can't always be living in the past..

13.) What happened to just me & you?

14.) It's nice to know that I still cross your mind.. and when I got your phone call, I wasn't expecting to hear from you at all. I really wish I could see, visit you. But it's just hard. I hate that I haven't called because I never know when to. I wish I could've said something, done something so you wouldn't have done what you did, but it's too late. But it's nice to know that you feel like you can still count on me and I promise that I will be once this is all done and over with.

15.) Keep your head up and forget those boys. I know you're such a strong girl and you're independent and you don't need anyone holding your hand to get you where you're going. Even though I'm older, its sometimes you that's teaching me a few things about this so called life. Keep your passions close and just live life without searching.. it'll be better that way.

16.) Funny to think, I thought you were my first love but I was soo wrong. After talking with you again I'm glad we went our separate ways. I guess that conversation was the closure I really needed.

17.) I don't think you're a good person at all. You're pretty selfish, a jerk and don't care about anyone else but yourself and getting your way. I hope you're happy cause you got it, I guess.. after no one else really wanted it anymore.

18.) I remember how I would tell you that it's okay that you left me hanging.. but I was wrong. I still know you care, even though you show it the weirdest ways. But it's nice to know we're still friends and to this day things aren't awkward between us.. as I look back to the beginning I wish I could've done something to change the way it was but its okay now.

19.) I LOVE seeing you bite off my style. I get a kick out of it ;)

20.) I'm getting tired of hearing the arguing and fighting. Every time I come around I see you guys putting on a front.. and I wish you didn't because I can still hear it..

DEAR YOU,

Thank you, thank you for taking a huge part of me as you left to be on the other side of the world. But you took it in the easiest way possible.. leaving it all left unsaid. All I can hope for this the better. And .. feel free to not think about me. It's okay if we don't talk anymore (although I still enjoy keeping in contact every once in awhile), because I understand. I gave you a part of me that I can never get back and I knew that since day 1 of meeting you and on the upcoming days we would spend together.

The first time you left, I didn't care. I put on a front like it was nothing, I didn't know you! but once you came back again and you wanted to see me.., my heart felt something it shouldn't have. And I'm not going to lie, it felt so good to see you again. To be with you.. but you're gone now and this time there's no telling when you'll be back again and I can't do the whole missing you, waiting for you thing anymore. Wondering if it'll still be the same when you come back. When I know, I'm not the only one. I've always known a guy like you couldn't just stay with one. I knew I wasn't the only one but you would say things, do things that made it all seem otherwise. Yes, it was naive on my part but all I could think of was spending as much time as I could with you before you would be gone. Selfish - maybe a little bit.. c'mon now, I didn't even want to go to your going away a party but I didn't want to live with the regret of not saying good-bye to you.

That night felt so fucked up and I was a total emotional wreck and did things I shouldn't have. But as the hour hit down to when you had to leave to catch your plane, it all hit me and it was harder to say goodbye than I thought it would be.

Its a bitter sweet situation but it's okay. That's all I can feel is :"fine" without you anymore. I need to move on away from you, but I still can't wait for you to come back. I fell all twisted inside and I'm not sure what to do. Honestly, I got so screwed up since meeting you..but at the same time I'm glad. Maybe it was all bad timing, faith let us meet for a reason and I'll forever hold on to how much you mean to me. I'll just leave it as that.

-Lisa

3.12.09

I don't have a fear of commitment; I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with the people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be too close. I get confused, I don't understand all of it. But I keep pushing because of this thing called hope.

---
Things have been SUPER hectic. I cannot believe that it is already the middle of March! Where did all the freakin time go?! I'm in a total rush of trying to get all my grades up.. I'm slipping and its hella bad. I can't help but think I fucked up my junior year. . the most crucial year! =/ I'm soo disappointed in myself at the moment, but I'm tryna put my all to finish this year off right! I'm currently starting on my argumentative paper. [Cross my fingers that I pass] My topic is on noncomformity, so thats not too bad.. I'm just getting lost on how to cite my sources and such. But so far its all goood. First draft is due Monday though. I'm getting on it so I don't have to go to school early next week. I just wish we could've been able to start on the paper earlier, cause I know it's stressing a lot of people.

But anyways, on a brighter note! Dance team has gotten their sweat outfits (= . . even though I was the LAST person to get them. Our final performance is in April at the pep rally. Its whateverr, I can't wait for tryouts and a NEW team of committed dancers.. Well at least what I'm hoping for. We NEED to do more fundraisers though. Errrrrg. Gets me all frustrated. But dancing is supposed to relieve the stress! I'm all twisted up. Haha.

I don't even know what else to blog about, I know I just haven't posted up in a loooong time. Stupid schedule. I'm going to try more often but we'll see.. So now I need to get back on my paper! >:[

-Lisa

Handwritten

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