Heal.

"Love with forgiveness is the most successful kind of love."

---

For some reason I feel like I'm struggling. Struggling to hold on, or to let go. It's as though the person I've been striving to be is being put on hold because I've just become so indecisive on all my decisions.. and I never used to be this way. I know that every decision you make, big or small, will make an impact on your life in some way. I guess that's why I seem to always bite my tongue when it comes to saying what's on my mind or I simply have nothing to say.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm re-opening healing wounds (metaphorically of 'course), and I never am getting the chance to just let myself heal. That's my bad on always over-analyzing every little thing. It's a habit I need to break because if I don't, I know that I'm just going to end up being a mess.. not like that hasn't happened before. But I want to be able to to say that I'm okay and mean it without a second thought having to cross my mind.

And honestly I just get tired to the point where I become passive and un-motivated. I look at my old blogs and see how passionate I used to be but than again that's when my heart was naive and I never really knew of real pain. And now that I've seen it I've become more cautious. But I want to be passionate again.

I want to be that girl who never let anything phase her. I really don't know what happened to her, but I really really want her back..

-Lisa

Midnight Realization

When you love someone, it will always stay there. I have to believe that even though we go our separate ways, we still will be connected by this bond, forever. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I know it's a true thing. I know that no matter where you go or who it's with, we will always be connected. And when we look up at the stars. When we know it was real and it was why we're who we are.

---

I have no idea why I'm awake at midnight..I had a sudden urge to just just get up out of bed. Not exactly sure why, but a bunch of things just kept going through my mind. I hate it when this happens because I feel like my whole mind set gets thrown off and I'm left to ponder if the decisions that I'm making are rational or am I just listening to my heart too much at this point.. I've always been the type of girl who would go straight to my heart and it didn't matter what anyone else would say to me, if my heart felt right than I'd do exactly what it said and go in that direction.

Although my heart has endured enough in the past you'd think I'd be smarter to "put up" my walls. But no, I always end up taking them down again.

I think it may be due to the fact that I give people the benefits of the doubt and I give out too many chances. Maybe it's because I still believe that there is good in people and no matter what the situation is, I continue to look for the good. I know it's a naive way to think of it but I just can never think of people being so cruel. I mean, everyone has a heart.. maybe they'd follow theirs in the right direction.

It's time for a realization; I need to grow up and accept that this world is just full of people with different hearts, intentions, and motives. But I'm still going to follow mine despite of the negativity reactions due to my actions. If I'm making mistakes, than I'm going to learn from them on my own.

-Lisa

Keep Going.

My mind starts to re-play, re-analyzing.. and I know I shouldn't because I know once I do, those steps I took forward to moving on goes to waste as I'm pushed back, but no; a part of me is just strong enough to keep running to where I want to be.

But oh, how I hate running away from things. But it seems like that's the only thing I'm good at now a days.. running away. Hmmm,

Anyways, lately I've been having a lot of days to myself and it feels nice to sit out on my back porch and write again or catch up on my reading.. well I guess I should be starting on my summer homework that's just sitting on my window sill. I'll get to it evenutally. But that's besides the point. I've had days to figure out exactly what I want to be doing.

Hitting senior year just screams a whole different change.. a change I need to make. I need to start getting "serious" as most people tell me..

Serious.

-Lisa

David Choi - Won't Even Start

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

ONE <3

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes

all you need is one."

-One Tree Hill

I've finally found that one boy who makes me feel indescribable. The only boy who can make me smile through out any circumstance. The one boy who finally taught me to let down my guard and to trust again.. even through out all the obstacles and hard times there's no other boy I would've wanted to go through it all but with him. I don't think anyone else can get me but him..

-Lisa

Baby, summer time.

I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling til your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up.

---

It's starting to feel like summer. No stresss.. just everything at ease. Well at least for now. But it's feeling good and I'm liking it. I just wish the weather would start getting nicer damn it >.<" I hate living in Washington sometimes. I'd rather be out in the sunshine in Cali or something. But than I think about it and all my friends (like my bestfraaan Vinh Tran) and family are here so that's the plus side living in this gloomy state.

I can't help but think how fast things are going, I always wanna pause but that's no fun. I think from now on I'm just going to enjoy everything that passes me by. There's no use in being sad or hung up about anything. It's better to move on and be happy. Because honestly life is way to short to be spending it with a frown! Haha, I just realized how corny this is sounding, but it's basically true.

I'm kinda not sure what direction I'm pointing this blog towards, but it was just for the sake of blogging cause I need to get back into the habit of it. It feels so much better to vent things out cause I really can't hold things in anymore.

-Lisa

Babylovee.

"Every relationship has problems, but what makes it perfect is if you still wanna be there when things really suck."<3

---

I never have put so much in a relationship as I am right now, but than again I've never fallen this hard for anyone before. Usually when things got bad I'd be passive and say whatever, than leave. I just can't do that anymore..especially when considering the fact that I can't just walk away because it would hurt far too much..I genuinely care about him and I've never cared about anyone else as much as I do for him.

Looking back at what we've gone through, it's been a struggling fight to stay together. But at the end of the day I knew that there was no one else that I'd rather be fighting with and fighting for but him. A lot of people would think, "Why put up with all of it?" And all I gotta say in return is that being him is worth it, it's worth everything. Sometimes you have to fight and fall a part in order to pick yourselves back up, put together and get stronger.

I believe that when you fall in love, faults are accepted and mistakes are forgiven for. It took us a little over 2 months to start saying "I love you".. and when I did finally say it I realized how much I had meant it and I'm not the kinda a girl to just be throwing it around..

Now a days people through around the word love like it's nothing. I know people always say don't say you "hate" anything because that's a strong word, but the word "love" is just as strong, if not stronger..

I know for a fact that I have fallen in love with him and that whatever life throws at us, we can take it.

I love you Bryce Jackson.

-Lisa