Father.

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Last night I got a call about the marketing internship and I'm going to be trained on Saturday but ahh, I'm excited/nervous. I don't even know why. I've always wanted to do this and it's finally happening.

I told my dad about it and I wish I would've gotten a little more enthusiasm from him, but nahh. I came home too late and anyways he was already drunk so it's not like he was comprehending how great an opportunity this is. Instead he just rambled on about how he learned how to make money by the time he was 13. I love my dad and I understand of everything he's been through and how thankful I am to what we have today, but he talks to me like I'm 6. Whenever we argue and it starts getting heated and he starts to see that his little girl actually knows of current events and I just might me right he says, "You're just too young to understand any of this."

Most of my relatives see me as the spoiled girl who only knows how to spend daddy's money.. but it's so annoying. They don't see how dysfunctional our relationship is. I've been getting this on/off relationship with him for the past 7 years and I've hated for more than half of it. I talked to him maybe twice a week? But can you blame me, he was never there for anything. Moments in my life where I wish he could be there, that would make any father proud. But every accomplishment I make, I look into the crowd and see unfamiliar faces and realize that its just me that I'm facing. Every thing that would make a parent proud he says nothing to when I tell him. I guess that's why I've learned to be so hard on myself. I've never really had anyone, but than again that's the reason why I've learned not to lean on anyone for anything.

I know many people out there don't even have someone they can call dad so what do I have to complain about? It's just hard having a dad who's right there but he's so absent in my heart that I have other father figures to go to. I feel bad when my mom talks to me about him because I just have nothing to say. I remember one time she asked me why I hated him. I just sat there quietly and said I didn't. What was there to say? 17 years of my life has passed and my dad still has no idea what kind of person I am. I don't even think he knows what my favorite color is.

At the end of the day I guess I'm just thankful that he's here, I just wish he learned to take more of an initiative to what I have to say..

-Lisa

Up Date

I've been needing to update! Days have been going by that I don't even know what to do with myself sometimes but get all caught up in it.
The highlights;
Finished that argumentative paper.
I went to prom with my giiirls! It was so much fun :)
My cumulative gpa is above a 3.0 and I'm keeping it that way!
.. so much more I just can't think!

Above it all I think I'm just starting to like how things are turning out. I haven't been this happy about things in soo long. Can I say life finally feels good? I think so. I use to just stress and stresss but things are just starting to fall into place.

I guess I've just learned to stop caring about what other people say. I used to be all hung up on how people leave.. but it's the people that stay that I give my all too. There's no point in hoping and fighting for people to come back. That's such a waste of time.

-Lisa

Feeelings,

I find that in your arms, I feel safe.
I feel that in your mind, I feel wanted.
I find that in your eyes, I feel me.
I find that in your heart, I feel love.

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Sometimes I hate having the emotions of a giirl. I can't help but see how emotionless guys can be. It seems so easy. But I'm just that kind of person.. I care.. Maybe I care too much. Is that such a bad thing? It could be that I over think too or that I tend to over analyze situations more than a normal person would. Well if that's wrong than I don't want to be right.

-Lisa

Hmmm.

I'm happy that the MATH WASL is over. Screw failing by a few points -_-" I took it, and all I was thinking was wow I cannot believe I didn't pass this last year! It's whateverr, it wasn't like it took me that long to finish it anyways. But I wish I could've been able to sleep in like a lot of other people did. I'll be mad/sad if I don't pass again this year =/

School has just been sucking lately. I just can't focus. Maybe it's just the fact that it is the last quarter and I'm so anxious for senior year! I want it here soo bad. I hate high school, whoever said they're supposed to the best years of your life was totally wrong. I especially hate that argumentative paper. That has been stressing me out the most these days just because it's a huge requirement for graduation.

Oh yeah! before I forget Dance team had their last performance last Friday. And boy did it feel good to leave it all out on the floor. I'm sad because our coach is leaving next year but over all this year was good for the first year. I wish it could've gone smoother but it's finee. I can't wait for next year and try outs!

But anyways! Enough with school and such..

I told Ashley I would blog about our eventful day with Carrie and Jason! Hahaha. First we were just hanging out at her house watching Disney channel ;), went to coinstar at Albertsons and come back, than I got to meet Carrie's boyfriend! Went to the mall, walked around and looked for someone (who we never found) so Jason could pay for his phone. Went to borders. Then we said we were going to go to the beach but instead went to the cemetery to go to Rucker's tombstone (he was the pioneer of Everett, look it up!) Thank goodness it was still daylight cause it was soo creepy walking through the cemetery. Then Jason and I decided we wanted to go down the hill.. Ashley said we were stepping on people, but we were being super careful! So, we are going to go back on May 27th? @ night. Who wants go?! Haha. Then ended up back at Carries, chatted more and Ashley & I pulled yet another frogger attempt to get home. Don't worry we made it even though Ashley almost got hit, but I saved her. Your welcome Ashley, I love you :)

-Lisa





PS. I have come to the conclusion that I will die young, ask me about it.

<3

LOVE is when you don't want to go to sleep, because your real world is better than your dream world. - Dr. Seuss

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I never thought that we'd be where we are today. He makes me feel like I can by total self around him, and I haven't felt like I could be this way around another person in awhile. I just love the way that we're both are on the same page and what ever happens will happen but in the end it'll be us. We'll face it together.

-Lisa

Spring Break,

Wow, I never thought I would spend my spring break the way I had. I said I would stay focused, get all my shit done and party up. Haha. I gotta get my party life and reality in check at times. But sometimes you just gotta say fuck it, ya know?

I don't know. Seemed like some stupid drama in the beginning, and so far I've been done with dealing with it all. It sounds cliche but in the end, when you give it time everything just seems to turn out the way you want it to.

-Lisa